You are good enough: Do you compare yourself with others  on Social Media? 

I’m the lady who makes the cakes but I’m also passionate about self-belief, self-confidence and being your best you. And occasionally I like to step out of writing recipes and write what’s on my mind. You may have read my post 10 ways to love your body which attracted lots of media attention recently. 

There is so much to see on social media, so much going on.. who is wearing what, who is going where who is doing who and how and why. The cars, the jobs, the holidays, the make-up, the plastic surgery, the clothes the list goes on 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. It’s endless, it’s addictive, it’s powerful. But how do we filter the stream of what we could, should or would be when it’s so much damn fun being on social media?

Now people could say ‘well it’s all right for you’ (and other people) Lorraine but that statement does everyone a disservice. Most people struggle at different times with a secret treasure trove of insecurities, challenges and limiting beliefs and I’m no exception.

I’m a self-confessed social media junkie. I cannot consume enough of it. I largely use it for work (That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it). I have a golden rule of thumb with whom I follow. They might be the nicest person in the world but if one of their pictures triggers me (that is adversely affects my mood in a negative way) then it’s an immediate unfollow. I can only follow peeps that make me feel either neutral, amused, happy or inspired. It can be a little tricky on Insta as people can see when you unfollow them rather than Twitter (whose often hostile environment is slowly winning me back with its new ‘word’ filter) where you can just mute them without their knowledge thus causing no offence.

I’ve listened to countless talks and interviews with very successful people saying that they are grateful for where they are and for what they’ve achieved but although the horrendous stresses of not being able to pay the bills has gone, they are still not immune from the haves and the have nots and the not-feeling-good-enough comparisons with others.

Real peace and happiness comes from doing the hard work internally and coming to a place of peace from within, but I know you know all of that.

Why am I writing this today? I have a twenty year old daughter who has grown up in this rapid world of change, with immense pressure as to how to look, where to go and what to do and how to be. Young kids now have in the palm of their hands technology which was only available to Governments 25 or so years ago. I applaud my daughter’s (and so many other young folk) strength and self-confidence in being able to remain her authentic self. I’ll be writing another piece on why we should lay off millennials at some point later. But it struck me that whoever you are and whatever age, there is a tendency to compare ourselves with what we see on social media.

 The bizarre thing is we look at an image in its sometimes filtered and facetunned perfection and compare it with how we feel on the inside. Comparing our insides with somebody else’s ‘outsides’. This in turn can lead to thoughts of not being good enough. Can you relate?

It’s been written a million times now, but I wanted to add this blog post to the pile… there is absolutely no way of knowing what is going on in the minds, souls and hearts of anyone. No matter how gorgeous the person looks, what job they have, or how toned their body is, or how hot their boyfriend/girlfriend looks.. it has no indication whatsoever of what lies beneath and what is going on internally once the selfies have stopped.

I have always been a happy person at heart, and am fairly content a lot of the time but I have posted smiley pics when at the time I’m not really feeling that smiley on the inside. And having read oodles of your gorgeous messages I know so many of you have done this too. Of course it’s fine to do but try to remember not to be fooled all the time by what you see, as so many of us do. 

If I’m feeling a little down, I like to find a podcast or a YouTube video full of motivational talks and interesting people. I love Gary Vay ner Chuk (very marmite) and lewis Howes. Both very different in character but enough to get me out of my own head for a little bit.These kind of talks can be very comforting and positively distracting whilst you are having a duvet diving type of day. But if you feel you really do have depression, anxiety or any other mental health issue which is really affecting you then it’s super important to seek some help (click here). 
When I’m having a day where the clouds and fog won’t seem to lift from my heart I find the best way forward is to embrace it, and not fight it. I like to Seek comfort in healthy things such as fresh air, good friends/family, nature, healthy food and nurturing talks or articles. I also try to remember not to go into the ‘Instagram hole’ going deeper and deeper into new IG accounts which never makes me feel better! I do say try as sometimes I just can’t help myself… It’s that old mantra ‘compare and despair’ which i attempt to apply to my thought. Another all time fave when I’m in a bit of a tiswas is ‘This too shall pass.’ I do love a quote to navigate a psychological stormy weather-front me.

Let me know if you have had any experiences of comparing yourself with someone on social media, has it helped motivate you in anyway or does it always send you into a not so good place? Thanks for reading, you are beautiful and you are good enough!
We are all in this together

Big love
Lorraine xxx

Please excuse typos, grammar and other stuffs. I just about managed a C in English GCSE so give the gal a wee break ❤️



  1. 26th May 2017 / 11:48 pm

    Hi Lorraine, another thought provoking post that shows great wisdom and is full of truths about life. I dare say people were comparing themselves to others since they had the intellectual capacity to distinguish a ‘self’ and see how that may differ from others and how they valued certain characteristics over others. So much is subjective and each of us only knows and can only ever know what we think. That person we find amazing or that cake we find delicious, or that experience we find exciting. They are not ‘real’ in the sense that they are fixed properties of whatever one is judging. They don’t have measurable absolute values. When I interact with someone for example, I am interacting with myself. I might say something and the other person responds but my thought to say something and then their response is 100% processed from my point of view within my brain (as far as we know but let’s not start opening this up to the even more fundamental questions on what life is just now haha). Anyhow, I can never know what it is to be them. They responded to me and communicated something that I then processed. But that is as close as it gets.

    Social media has brought so much opportunity to compare and judge, and also most sadly has given a much bigger prominence to and an outlet for negativity. I believe that people who are negative are those with the issues but that doesn’t mean their nastiness doesn’t hurt others!
    For the rest of us, the majority, comparing does often can seem like a normal approach to making certain types of change but clearly it is getting out of hand. I for example want to be fitter so I look for a reference point online to compare my progress. I may think I am being sensible about it – The fitness of a 22 year old world champion doesn’t sound too much to aim for does it? Well of course it does for me and if I set my sights on that then I would always feel inadequate. However, to avoid any risk of that it is much better to set sensible goals based on yourself and your measurements. I can’t think of any circumstance when measurable changes cannot be set and monitored without any comparison with others. But if comparison is for subjective matters then that can only be wrong and is like denying yourself. Well, that is how I see it. If I wanted to look like X or be successful like Y etc then what good is that? Isn’t that change for change sake? One is what one is and each person’s definition of perfection or success in these examples is different. It is like expecting everyone to think the same movie is great and another is bad, or a particular comedian is funny and that other is not. We are not identical replicants and have different experiences and my view on beauty does not match someone else. I tend to like for example abstract and surreal art, romantic and sci fi movies and have no interest in football but someone else would have such different views! Neither view is wrong or right – or can be called perfect or not. So, why should someone want to do the equivalent of trying to changing themselves to like abstract art when they currently like Baroque art (I had to look up that up)? Isn’t that like comparing themselves to someone else and then feeling inadequate? Why? You are who you are and that is good enough!

    Nothing beats happiness and the road to happiness is from within. The easiest journey on that road is to trust in yourself because otherwise you will so easily become lost!

    Well, I have types lots and maybe far to much to get my point over! 😮 Maybe it is a dyslexic thing but I am what I am and hope my ramblings are meaningful to some and not offensive to any!

    I love to chat for hours about such things; preferably lying on some warm deserted sandy beach gazing at the stars and listening to the waves. Haha, I started dreaming now. Take care

  2. 29th May 2017 / 4:24 am

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I’ve heard the claim that women base their happiness on their relationships and men base it on how they see themselves against their peers. I used to drive myself crazy with the comparisons, comparing myself against my peers. I’ve never gone down the rabbit hole of comparing myself with public figures, or what I see on social media, since I’m mostly an introvert and wouldn’t want to be in the media cross hairs like that. I also know how hard it is to make a living as a creative, waking up ever day, under pressure to be brilliant again, to innovate again, etc.

    I’ve battled depression through the years so this comparison trap only made life futile from a productivity standpoint. Learning not to start waterfall thinking or remunerating was extremely helpful. I too find relief in close friends, cooking, sailing, fresh air, nature, and music. And my German Shepherd Meeka brings instant comfort and a rush of endorphins. But probably the biggest help was the wisdom of growing older. That everyone has their own timing and it is not a matter of when but if.

    Lastly, meditation has been a huge help. Learning to not fight my feelings and thoughts but to experience them and let them pass through. Resting my brain brings the greatest return considering the low level of effort…a beautiful thing indeed. Feeling amused as I just looked up and saw that this post fell between “Sweet Potato Tortilla with Jalapenos & Dill” and “Cheeky White Chocolate Cherries!”. How fun is that? “Cheeky White Chocolate Cherries!” is enough to pull anyone out of a funk, both through making them and definitely through eating them. Peace, DC

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